Sunday, January 31, 2010

Cake or Death?

To specific unnamed persons, I'd like to say something.

First. To you, Mrs. Dieting and trying to eat "good". No, Peanut butter is not healthy. Peanut butter does have calories (a lot of them) and it is not good for you (even when you eat it on celery). You refused the cookies I brought into work because you were trying to eat healthier. I wasn't insulted that you refused them for that reason. That's an admirable goal. I can respect that. Imagine my confusion, then, when you pulled out a celery stick and smeared peanut butter on it. Your attempt to justify snubbing my cookies by claiming you were trying to eat healthy crumbled right then. Yes, you were eating "reduced fat" peanut butter. But, um, even reduced fat peanut butter is still over 50% fat. And those three tablespoons of peanut butter you put on your celery stick? You could have eaten three of my cookies for the same amount of calories. Three. I saw your wistful sidelong glances at the Tupperware container. Hope you enjoyed that celery and peanut butter, but you should have taken the cookies.

Second, to you, Mrs. Person trying to save space by smooshig delicate things on top of more delicate things. I told you that those packages of cherry tomatoes wouldn't be able to be stocked on the shelf because they were already full. What I meant by that wasn't that it would be impossible to stuff any more on the store shelf because it was already crammed full to overflowing. No. I meant that if you put any more out the weight from them would crush the tomatoes already on the shelf. They are delicate and well, smooshable, after all. I guess I didn't communicate that very well though, because you said "hmm... in that case" and proceeded take the tomatoes out of their protected box and dump them on top of other tomatoes and smoosh them down so they would all fit into one box, well.... it kind of invalidated our entire previous conversation. It made me want to take a vow of silence.

But, Let's focus on something for everyone, shall we? It's weird and wacky holidays time! Yea!!

February is:
Fabulous Florida Strawberry Month
Grapefruit Month
Library Lovers Month
Marijuana Awareness Month
Condom Month
Weddings Month
Spunky Old Broads Month

3rd-6th is International Snow Sculpting Week
7th-13th is Jell-O week
8th-14th is International Flirting Week
14th-20th is National Pancake Week

1st - Working Naked Day
2nd - Groundhog Day
5th - Wear Red Day also National Nutella Day
9th - Read is the Bathtub Day
16th - Mardi Gras
19th - Chocolate Mint Day
28th - International Sword Swallowers Day

Jus a few of my impressions of this month's holidays: Yea grapefruit! Who the hell gets married in February?. Is it marijuana month because they want people to stay away from it or do it? Same goes for condoms. I know I'm going to be making a big old King Cake for the 16th. Not sure how to celebrate the 28th though....

In conclusion Ladies and Jellyspoons.....

I'd like to present you with a few jems gleaned from watching the discovery channel:

1. Suckling of a Kings nipples was a sign of submission in the Iron Age.

2. In Holland disabled people can get a government grant that pays for sex up to 12 times a year.

And here's a phrase from an internet article:

1. some of the highest rated companies to work for also pay the best. (um.... Duh)


  1. Celery and peanut butter sound like a great and wise combination!

  2. Good and tasty combination, yes. Low calorie and healthy combination, no. :)