Wednesday, January 6, 2010

How Many Quarters are in a Year?

First, Have a funny picture:


Hope that put a smile on your face. Here's something that put a smile on my face during the recent Christmas season. Let me introduce you, if you haven't already met, to Krampus. According to some Eastern European legends he's a companion to St. Nicholas and accompanies him on his nocturnal visits. Unlike the Fat Jolly guy in the red suit who delivers presents to good little children, Krampus is an animal like creature with large horns covered in fur who carries a basket on his back used to carry away bad children and dump them into the pits of Hell. Yes, Hell. Forget Billy Bob Thornton, Krampus is the real "Bad Santa". Mom was watching the news one night and called me over to see something "awful". It was a segment on Krampus where people dressed in Krampus suits and participating in a Krampus parade down a main street in Europe dragging people out of the crowd to whip them with sticks and bending down to further frighten crying children. I thought it was great. I wish the tradition would take off in the US. I also wish I could find the original video I saw for you, but I couldn't. You'll have to be content with these.

And children aren't the only ones who have to fear this mythical demon. Krampus goes after grown ups too.

Maybe next year we'll have a Krampus Christmas. I'm hopeful.

Speaking of Christmas, I have a zombie story I want to tell you. You know the Salvation army Bell Ringers? Well, there was one stationed outside the grocery doors at Wal Mart through the holiday season. You could tell he wasn't quite "right in the head". For the entire 8 hours, or however long he stood there ringing his bell, all he said was "Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas" A statement to be expected, but not repeated nonstop over and over for hours on end. Not by any sane person, or someone who wanted to remain sane. He also, every day for weeks, without fail, when I walked out the doors after work told me that he liked my Dark Crystal lunch box. Because apparently, he'd forgotten that he already told me that. Now, I wasn't witness to what follows, but I heard it from someone who was so.... One day he was in the break room talking to no one. Or rather talking kind of loudly to no one in particular but everyone in general in the hopes that someone would talk back to him. My friend was trying to ignore him. He started talking about Zombies. My friend said nothing. Nothing, that is, until he spouted off with "You know Jesus was a Zombie". My friend couldn't help it. He turned around and asked, "What do you mean?". The guy responded with, "Well, he died and came back to life. That makes him a zombie". My friend was flabergasted as was I when I heard it. I'd never thought of that before. But ya know, it does make some degree of twisted sense. From now on I think the Salvation Army bell ringers could be closet geniuses.

And while we're on the subject of smart idiots and things that just make you scratch your head, the lady who mom takes to church Lilly (you know the one. Used to call us almost every day until she lost her phone service because she couldn't pay the bill because she was spending money on bus tickets on multi state trips, tries like hell to adopt herself into our lives going so far as to claim we're her family, mentally handicapped but highly functioning, knows just enough to live by herself but not enough to take care of herself, the one who made me feel emotionally raped? yeah. that one) She told me she had been on "that vegan diet, sissy" I didn't think much about it, until I noticed she had just bought a good two pounds of expensive bacon. I didn't call her on it. I just filed that away in the "people who don't make any sense" file in my head. That file's pretty full.

To end on a weird note, how about weird/unusual holidays.
January 8th is, among other things, National Bubble Bath Day, National English Toffee Day, and National Women's Day. I suggest that women everywhere eat english toffee while taking a Bubble Bath.
January 9th is Positively Penguins Day
And my personal Favorites:
January 15th is International Fetish Day
January 16th is Appreciate a Dragon Day


  1. I wonder if the movie title, "Christmas with the Kramps" holds any parallel with Mr. Krampus... XD

  2. Do you mean 'Christmas with the Klumps' or 'Christmas with the Kranks' possibly? Because the all knowing internet has no knowledge of this 'Christmas with the Kramps' of which you type. ;)